I work at night so I watch a lot of daytime television. Not only do the shows suck but the commercials are even worse. Just a bunch of local access and low budget crap. The worst I have seen are the commercials for Wild Turkey Kentucky bourbon. I am well into my 30’s now and in all my years I have never seen any advertising of Wild Turkey…anywhere. The only memory I have of Wild Turkey is seeing it in my parent’s liquor cabinet when I was a kid. It was half empty, sitting in the back corner collecting dust, shunned from the others. My family moved around a lot when I was a kid and we got rid of a lot of furniture, clothes, and appliances, but we never got rid of the Wild Turkey. It always traveled with us to every crappy suburb we moved to. Why? Because I guess you never know when you might need a Wild Turkey night. Lost your job, middle of a divorce, erectile dysfunction…lets pop open the Wild Turkey. I remember seeing that bottle even when I was kid and knowing this was not a good thing to drink. First off, they provide a 101 proof Wild Turkey. That’s a good idea. Let’s get the anger started fast and furious. I don’t want any middle ground between the tears and punches.  Also there is a dirty mean turkey on the front of a bottle. This turkey looks like he has been beating up bitches and chain smoking cigarettes all day. Don’t mess with this turk jerk. Who is this drink tailored to?  Seriously? Well I am happy to say I finally found out last Tuesday midway through watching another knee slappin episode of Judge Mathis. Just as the Judge was going to break, a commercial fades in to a bartender leaning over the bar flirting with a girl. Then the other bartender yells “Hey, new customer!” and the camera pans over to show this seedy bald headed man wearing a leather jacket sit down at the bar. I mean this guy looks like he has been beating up bitches and chain smoking cigarettes all day. So the bartender who is “all smiles” looks over and sees this guy and his face goes into full shock. “I aint going over there!” The head bartender replies “Just give him the bird!” “No way man!” “Fine I will do it!” He walks over and grabs a bottle of Wild Turkey and pours the shady guy a drink. The man looks up and nods his head. End of commercial. So after all these years of not knowing what angle or kind of person this liquor is geared for, we find out its focused squarely on mob hit men? That’s a very small cornered market they are expecting to keep their bourbon afloat. “Hey buddy rough day at the office? Need to come down after that busy night of gagging men and stuffing women in a trunk? Here have a glass of 101 proof Wild Turkey! This will help relax the hate in your heart! Give em’ the bird! or end up in a body bag, I guess is the rest of that sentence. Finally an alcoholic drink for people who are already prone to violence.  Nice.  Let’s bring this Turkey home to Grandma for the holidays.  “Hi everyone!  Happy Thanksgiving!  Just want everyone to know I brought along a drink that is going to bring out the worst in all of us!  Aunt May grab some glasses and little Timmy you call 911.” 

Here is a link to the commercial – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R4ATnbrGr4


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