SHARE YOUR STORY!

I think some of this social media stuff is getting ridiculous. I know I am telling you about this through social media, but hear me out. Nowadays everyone is important and has a say about something. Gross. It is not right. There are people out there who shouldn’t have a say. Why??? Because they are crazy, uneducated, inbred, or not right in the head. They should not be allowed to have a say or access to these sites. There should be at least a test or a few questions that a person must go through before they have a say. Something simple like this – Are you racist? Did you sleep with your sister? And if the answer to either of those is yes then you don’t get to tell me your feelings on the new Waffle Cone Blizzard at Dairy Queen or how many “tomatoes” you gave Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2. I have applied for shitty jobs at Walmart, Caribou Coffee, Rock Bottom etc. and they all had me take an assessment test. An assessment test is around 70 questions that you answer, so they can see if you if you are a good person or not. I never got a phone call back from one of these establishments. They pretty much thought I was a piece of shit scumbag. So basically, what our society is saying is any hillbilly, sex offender, and pedophile can cyberbully you or say your restaurant sucks all over the internet, but you have to prove your a man of value and honor to make minimum wage, wear a blue vest, and stock pears on a shelf? Doesn’t sound like we got our priorities straight. I can sleep well tonight knowing the man who sold me Diet Mountain Lightning soda is not going to be struck down by lightning for prior mistakes. Makes the soda that much more artifically sweet going down.

It’s everything and everyone nowadays. Share your experience with anything you do! Guess what folks most of the things you do are not that important and actually pretty boring. We don’t need to hear about it. Now even fast food places like Dunkin Donuts and KFC are asking us to tell our story! How did you eat and drink that partner! Tell us about your dunkin adventure!  Um…I’m sitting in a strip mall parking lot, in front of a Dress Barn, with a box of munchkins between my thighs, drinking a Dunkaccino out of a Styrofoam cup. Is that something I should share with you? You want that story? I mean who even serves drinks in styrofoam cups anymore. That is the biggest fuck you to recycling. The only other times I am drinking coffee from a styrofoam cup is at an AA meeting or VFW Hall. You want to hear those stories too? They are just as glamourous. You want a real fun story walk into a Dunkin Donuts and eat there. As soon as you open the door a bell goes off signaling hi, I have given up. Good luck ordering cause English is a second, third, and sometimes fourth language there and it’s more broken than your parents’ marriage. They dont even listen to you when you order. They just wait for a pause and then say cream and sugar. “Can I get a chocolate glaze donut.” “Cream and sugar?” “No a donut.” “Cream and sugar? “”A chocolate glaze donut, I am pointing at!” “CREAM AND SUGAR? “”Yes why dont you pour cream and sugar on it, throw it in a bag, and punch me in the face with it. Because that is how I am gonna feel after I eat this.” And do me a favor folks, sit down and enjoy the ambiance of the Double D. You got the pair of goth teenagers cutting class and themselves with the complimentary plastic knives, the homeless man who snuck in so he could talk to himself and play checkers with the sweet n low, and don’t forget about the old crazy military vet who is always there making weird noises with his throat and giving you the death stare. Is this the story you want me to blast all over the internet Dunkin Donuts?

 

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