Hand Me Down Writings

My handwriting is terrible.  Barely legible.  I was good at writing in cursive.  Got an A in that in third grade and made sure everybody knew about it.  Especially Sally Thurman.  Yeah you may have got an A+ in math but I got an A in Cursive!  Suck it!  I think I was good at Cursive  because it keeps you in the game.  Your hand never leaves the page when you are writing, so you get in a rhythm.  With regular handwriting you have all this starting and stopping.  My left handedness can’t work up a proper sweat.  He can not get “in the zone.”  And because of this my handwriting suffers dramatically.  It looks like I wrote it from my deathbed at hospice. I can barely even read my own writing. I hate when I mail something and have to write the address on the envelope. I’m worried it is going to arrive at the wrong place. And I can’t write a proper number 9 for the life of me. Whenever I am at my bank the Teller will say, “Is this supposed to be a letter g, a number 2, or did you throw in a game of Hangman at the end of this deposit slip?”

Writing was so elegant back in the day. Now we just type on a computer or our phones. In old times people would dip a feather in some ink and swoop their words around the page like a ballerina. Then they would seal their letter with hot candle wax and have it delivered by a carrier via horseback. I bet you didn’t get many drunk messages back then. Wasn’t worth the time. Can you imagine if some of the things you texted or wrote on someone’s “wall” today arrived in a candle wax sealed envelope, on a scroll, written with a feather?  This party is cray, Bobby put his penis in the fruit punch!  I want to lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes!  Hurry up and get here so i can get my freak on!  signed PerkyTits242, Date – last April. Oh okay that distant memory sounded like fun. I better write back.

Dear PerkyTits242,

I am sorry to say that I am not going to be able to make it three months ago, the party sounded bananas. Maybe one of these days we will find a better way to hook up. But, I wil have you know that I have enclosed a dick pic of my nether regions to help keep you warm on these cold winter nights.

Yours truly,



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