I have something bad to tell you. I use to have an addiction. Don’t worry it wasn’t meth or paint sniffin. It was way more intense. It was Old Country Buffet. Now wait, don’t leave, give me have a chance to explain. First, let me tell you that I am from Florida, where buffets are as frequent as pants over the bellybutton. Also I was young, single, and working at Sam’s Club. Actually I dont know if those are reasons but it sounds sad. And a person the likes of me believes in quantity over quality. 3 Salisbury steaks sounds better than one filet mignon. Plus you get a bowl of gravy to drink with it. That’s a win everytime for my palate. I also like the idea of choosing your portion size. Do I want a ice cream scoop of whipped potatoes or a canoe’s worth? You do see people do some crazy shit when they are given the resposibility of making their own plate with so many options. Hey why not a crouton and bacon salad with corn chowder poured over it. Or creamed spinach topped with tater tots and ranch dressing. It’s all good at the OCB. You end up putting so much crap on your plate anyways that it all mushes together into one sloppy casserole. Each bite is breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. Delicious!
Even though this is shame food I never wanted to eat there by myself. Which is strange because this is exactly the kind of place you should want to eat at alone. Stuffing your face plate after plate is not something you want to share with friends or loved ones. But I always had to go with at least one friend. Maybe so I knew someone else could feel as low as me. It wasn’t easy. I had to sell them on the OCB, like a used car salesman trying to sprice up a Geo Tracker. You see OCB would have theme nights throughout the weeks like BBQ Thursdays Or Hawaiian Tuesdays. And I would call up my boy Shawn and say, Hey you want to go get something to eat? “Sure where do you want to go? Magiano’s? Wildfire?” Um, those sound decent but what about OCB? It’s Friday night which is Italian night! They are serving Velveeta shells mac n’ cheese, might be Veal Francese, and for dessert soft serve ice milk with Fruit Loop toppings. Just like a mama use to make muah!!! Worked every time.
If you really want to be a scumbag you get to the OCB at 3:30pm, right before they switch from the lunch to the dinner menu. That way you only pay $5.99 instead of $7.99. Bam!!! Plus you get first stabs at the hot tins. Nothing beats that first spoon dip into a belly of corn stuffing. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. We would call this way of eating Sit-ins. Get it? Because you would sit at the end of lunch and wait for the new dinner tins to come out. Sit-ins. Pretty genius. Feel free to use that and tell your friends about it. I mean if you have sad friends who want to go to an all you can eat buffet and think 8 bucks is a little too extreme for their velcro wallet.