You call this a gift?

The worst present to give someone is a gift card. Now I am not talking about a gift card that someone asks for from Best Buy or Target. Those are fine and dandy if they know you are too retarded to pick out the right gift for them. No, I am talking about the prepaid gift cards that are from credit companies like American Express and Visa. This gift pretty much says “hey I didn’t even care enough to find a store or establishment you might like a gift card for. I could not be bothered to make the slightest of effort. I purchased your present while I was getting a pack of Newport’s at the front counter of a Speedway. It was either that or a keychain laser pointer. It was a tough choice but then I remembered I got you a laser pointer last year. Then I was gonna get a bday card to put your present in…but Speedway Eddie had already “speedwayeddly” gift wrapped it in a yellow plastic bag. So I just decided to play Candy Crush and eat a Twix instead.”
The best gift to give a person you love is the one that requires them to put pants on get themselves right? You’re welcome! The worst thing about these prepaid gift cards is you can’t use it all for the intended amount. They can only be used for about 80% of the balance amount otherwise it will be declined. Can you imagine using a “gift for you!” Visa card at a TGIFridays and the chin acned waiter comes back and tells you that your Aunt’s bday gift of green bean fries and spinach dip has been declined? How sad. So then what happens is your waiter has to put down his suspenders and Indiana Jones hat and call a 1-800 hotline to speak to a faint voice in Kuwait to see how much actual balance is on this lazy piece of shit gift. Thanks Aunt Dottie! You made me look like a cheap ass clown in front of my Ok Cupid date! Next year just give me that Twix. At least I can enjoy 100% of that and it will seem like you got me two gifts. Left Twix and a right Twix. How thoughtful. Oh wait I’m diabetic dammit! You trying to kill me Aunt Dottie! I’m gonna laser point ya right in the eye! Re-gift!


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