Charter Fitness For The Loser You

I hit the gym hard fools.  If you saw me then it would go without saying.  That’s right I’m 137 pounds of pure skeleton.  I always look like I just got out of the hospital.  Just pale, weak, looking like any moment  I could drift away in the wind like a Jewel-Osco grocery bag.  And to keep this winning figure I go to Charter Fitness.  It is only 10 bucks a month folks!  Amazing!  I just didn’t know the people going there would also look like 10 bucks.  There is some strange shit that goes on in this place.  Like a guy running on a treadmill in flip flops.  A Cab Driver doing yoga in khakis. And here is a new one.  Man with no arms. That’s right a person with no limbs working out.  Good for him.  Keep the rest of your bod looking pristine, you never know who’s looking. Because a Ferrari without front wheels still is a goddamn Ferrari right? Roll that down the street and show off the honeys. And I’m guessing if you are gonna workout at a gym with no arms, you don’t want to pay full price.  You want a gym where the price is half off.  Cause your body is half off.  Ohhhhhhh K!  Come on now.  But it is true.  You ain’t gonna be doing bicep curls or bench pressing?  So why pay full price. All I’m saying is if you go to Charter Fitness don’t be surprised to see a good amount of armless or legless folk.  Or for that matter let’s just say toothless too.  When I walk in there I feel like I’m Jonathan Taylor Thomas.  I mean back in the day when he was the heartthrob of America, not now when he works at an ECig kiosk in the Mall of America.  If I’m ever having a bad day I just stop in Charter Fitness for a few minutes and look around.  Okay I guess things could be worse. I can go back out there now.

I should say they do have a pretty nice customer appreciation day once a month where they bring out Wheat Thins and Pace Picante Salsa on a couple styrofoam plates.  “We really appreciate your dedication to toning those glutes!  So to celebrate we have laid out this spread that is more underwhelming than what you find in a waiting room of a Jiffy Lube.  Eat up before the eaten gets gone!”

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