Sugar, Your Blood Sugar’s Going Down

Guys let me tell you a little about myself, I have 3 cats and Diabetes. Whenever I tell anyone that they always say You have three cats? Wow that’s brutal. I have Type 1 Diabetes. There is also a Type 2 diabetes. Lot of people ask me well whats the difference? And I say go fuck yourself. How about that? There is a big difference. Type 1 Diabetes is like Professional Football. Type 2 Diabetes is like Fantasy Football, you think you’re on a team but you’re not. Because your disease is not real. You created it, just like your Deez Nutz In Yo Mouth fantasy team.
You see you get Type 2 Diabetes by eating reckless and smoking Swisher Sweets. Type 1 diabetes you do not get, it is given to you, because it is genetic. It is passed down from your grandparents because it skips a generation. I think it was done this way so your parents don’t feel the guilt at breakfast everyday while they eat donuts and your left to munch on a half banana and melba toast. Don’t look at me that way, son, Grandpa did this. Now pass me another Chocolate Glazed Munchkin.
That’s why the Type 1’s Diabetics hate the type 2s. We have no sympathy for them. You did this to yourself! People tell me stories all the time when I say I have Diabetes. Oh my Mom has that, she lost her foot from Diabetes. Oh, type 1 or type 2? Type 2. Well fuck her then. Lazy bitch. Diabetes didn’t take her foot. Popeyes did. Pizza Hut did. A Meat Lovers Supreme ran off with yo Momma’s foot.

The worst part about it all, is there are way more Type 2 Diabetics out there so they get all the attention. Type 1’s never get the respect we so sadly need and deserve. Everyone just cares about them – it’s not fair. Like can you imagine if there were two different types of Aids out there that you had to compete with?

You got Aids! Sorry to hear that. You got the Type 1 Aids or the Type 2 Aids? The good Aids or the bad Aids? The one you can get rid of? Think Magic Johnson had the good Aids, the Type 2. He is the only person ever to gain weight after getting Aids. He put on 30 pounds, opened 20 movie theaters, got rosy cheeks. Momma is that Aids? That can’t be right. Looks like he got a promotion at work not Aids. “No honey its type 2 Aids.” Oh type 2 Aids I see. The good one. The good Aids. His wife Cookie is one lucky woman.

Swisher Sweets – After drinking jungle juice out of a dirty bathtub at a stranger’s house party, finish your self off with this gas station dinner mint.

Melba Toast – If this is toast then why did my tooth fall out when I tried to bite into it.

Chocolate Glazed MunchkinsCan I just like, have a bite of a donut, like I don’t want a whole donut, but like a bite, I’m on a diet.  Oh, Munchkins!  Perfect!  I will take 27 of those.  Also, I’m pretty sure this is a slight against little people.

Meat Lovers SupremeI’m more animal than man.  I like to climb mountains, fight bears with my bare hands, wash my clothes in a river, sleep under the moonlight with only nearby leaves as a blanket.  Now, tell me Pizza Hut, what can I eat that will satisfy my deep hunger and obvious homelessness.  And can I pay you in ants?

Magic Johnson – Boy, oh boy did he have moves on the court!  And man, oh man did he have moves in the bedroom.  And jeez, oh jeez did he have moves in his immune system.


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